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It's been nearly two months. I wrote this the day after she passed, but I was unable to open or read it until now. Unfortunately this only scratches the surface, but I think it will help people understand what she meant to me.

And how amazing she was from her curled tale to the tuffs of fur between her paws (my favorite thing to play with, her least favorite).

A beautiful blog was written by one of my best friends, it's certainly more eloquently written than mine: Click here

We still don't know what happened, it's a mystery, but here is her story:

This is Nox’s story.

I wanted to write it out before I forget any of it. I hate to think I will forget anything with her, but memories are a fickle thing. This is more for me than you, but I know some people are curious so this will let you know. But let me preface with anything I write will not break the surface of how much love this dog had for me and how much I had for her.

She was the best dog ever, and I know that everyone says that about their dogs: but she actually was.

To tell her story, I have to tell a little of mine. I started looking into getting a dog for the purpose of training said dog to be a service dog. Nox simply fell into my lap. I found her and contacted her owner, and we talked and soon enough she was mine. They were so thankful of the home she was going to that I didn’t have to pay for an adoption fee. It was perfect. We couldn’t believe it.

I was so nervous the night before meeting her. I was so worried that she wouldn’t like me. Let me preface this: I grew up with dogs, but I was never a ‘dog person’. I was selective about the dogs I loved. Not any dog would make me happy. In fact, very few did. The ones I grew up with I loved but I never saw myself getting a dog.

And then, suddenly I was getting a dog and I was so nervous. I met her precious little self and she immediately came over and kissed me. It relaxed my nerves for that day, but only for that day. I was a nervous wreck of a mother. Nox and I traveled to Auburn the next day and I learned how to be a parent. It was stressful but this girl was so sweet. She just followed me everywhere.

We grew inseparable, we went to obedience training and she was easily the most improved in the class and got on top rather quickly. She had an extreme love of squirrels and often would try to jump through the car window to chase them. She never meant any harm, but she loved little creatures.

She got along well with my cat, they both just wanted to play. Isabelle pretended not to like my dog, but she was always put out when I would take Nox away from her.

Training went well and I socialized her. My friends fell in love. Every person I met who wasn’t a dog person, became one for her. When I asked people what dog they wanted they would just point to her. She was so happy and loving and sweet. But her loyalty was exceptionally strong. Someone would love on her or pet her and she would come back to me, remind me that I am her favorite and then go back to the person. Often times she would stop loving them and look at me to make sure I was okay with it. It was adorable.

She liked to give you kisses, but not just any kisses. She would jump up high and lick your lips. I had to turn it into a command so I could limit the amount of black eyes received. She was so fast too, she could run and be gone in a blink of an eye. She could have done agility.

Nox became attached to me, and I to her. She never left my side and I am not exaggerating. She followed me everywhere, sat under my feet, her eyes were always on me. It made my friends laugh because all she wanted was to be next to me. We snuggled and watched movies and she helped me cook by sitting on my feet in the kitchen. She had a natural knack for being close. Everyone noticed it, this dog was the most attentive and loving that they’d ever seen. If I went into a room without her, I would always hear her sniff under the door. When I opened it she would be leaning against it, waiting for me and looking up at me with big brown eyes.

She had huge expressive brown eyes, and she knew how to work them. Her eyelashes were perfect, they looked drawn. Her ears crimped when they got wet, and they became lighter the closer to her body they came. Her fur was so soft, though her skin was sometimes dry. She had cute white socks, a white couple of hairs on her tail that shined when she shook it and curled up over her back. The fur on her back cow-licked in the summer, sticking straight up. She had a white star on her chest. She would often times lick her lips and it looked so damn cute. She would rest her head on the ground and just look up at me. I miss her gaze so much.

When I went to the lake and jumped in the water, Nox would wait approximately three seconds and if I didn’t reemerge from the water she would come in after me. She then wouldn’t know what to do once she got to me. We ended up putting her on a floating device so that I could swim and she could be next to me.

And then service training began. She was the best in her class, she finished in one session when it normally took two. She was so fast and so excited to get the scent correctly. She was good at her job, alerting me at a party with her cute paws and telling eyes.

A relationship with a service dog is so much more intense than a normal dog, and our relationship before the life saving actions came into play was unusual and deep. I don’t know how to explain... that this was different. We were different. She was one in a million. We were soul mates.

I thought 2015 was going to be the worst year of my life. I was trying to find my place in the world; trying to find a job, trying not to feel like a failure. It turned out to be the best year of my life. I met the love of my life and she made the world a better place. Everyone loved her, everyone threatened to steal her away. She would pout when I left her at home, not being social with anyone else.

She was simple the most loving dog. Everyone saw how special she was, and how unique our relationship was. She went everywhere with me, on planes, buses, trains, to work and home, to the grocery store or to go fix my car. She even went to Disney World and man she was a champ. She rode rides with me, she traveled more than some humans will in their entire life.

Nox had a special growl and bark that she administered if you came home and waited a second too long to pay attention to her. She would sneak onto the couch, one leg at a time. She was clumsy and awkward and adorable.

When I put her service vest on she would get very proud. She’d puff her chest up and prance as she walked. Every so often she would just lift her nose and give me a little kiss on my hand as we walked around in public. It surprised me every time, and always made me smile.

She changed my life. She made me fall in love with her and I couldn’t image my life without her. I had this conversation with a tow truck driver at the beginning of this road trip. I told him I’d only had her for ten months but I couldn’t imagine my life without her.

I feel that moment is when I jinxed it all.

Nox was a happy dog, she was widely loved and spoiled. She was able to go everywhere with her mom, got treats and love from family and friends and always made people smile. I know I made her extremely happy, and she made me stronger. Moving to LA had never scared me, because I knew she would be there.

I won’t tell you everything that went wrong on this road trip; that is a whole other story. But I can tell you what happened to Nox.

It started on Wednesday, January 6^th. She woke us up, super happy and slowly inching her way from our feet to our faces, licking us the whole time. Nox and I had spooned the whole night. I got up to give her breakfast and she always sits and waits patiently. I put the food down and tell her to wait, and she would slowly lift her head higher and higher until I told her to 'feast'. She ate everything and we went on our way to the Caverns we had driven to. I left Nox inside the car, as it would just be a lot to bring her on this little hike. When we got back, she had thrown up her breakfast. We didn’t think much of it, we’ve been driving nonstop and living in a camper. Perhaps she got nervous or perhaps she was just a little car sick. We cleaned it up and I took her out to go to the bathroom and she had diarrhea. It still had some solid so I wasn’t too worried. We started our drive to the next area in New Mexico; driving through the middle of nowhere when she vomited again. We stopped the car and she vomited four more times and had diarrhea, this time mostly liquid and looked like dark ketchup. I called my parents and the vet. They told me to wait it out, it could be a stomach virus or she could be sick. Nerves didn’t quite fit but they said wait 12 hours, and definitely take her in if she wasn’t better in 24.

The next four hour drive turned to be six as we frequently stopped to clean the car and help Nox out. She still walked with her tail up and seemed like she didn’t feel well, but nothing too serious. That evening she was exhausted, she didn’t stand for long and just wanted to lay down. Her vomiting and diarrhea had calmed down significantly, but I called my family worried again. They told me a good point that settled my nerves a bit: if I had been vomiting all day, wouldn’t I be tired?

Wait until the morning, if she’s still not better take her to a vet. That is what I was told, over and over. And it is what I told myself. I hoped she’d sleep it off. We weren’t anywhere near a vet at the moment and it was ten at night. There wasn't much of an option for us, anyway.

Nox slept in her crate that night, and I woke up early because I heard her moving around. I went to check on her and there was blood everywhere and she wouldn’t get out of her crate. She couldn't move. I called my mom, woke up Paul and raced to the nearest vet, forty miles away.

By the time I arrived, Nox was dead weight. She couldn’t stand and couldn’t get out of the crate; using Paul’s help I rushed her into the vet. Her head lolled to the side, she wasn’t breathing.

They revived her three times.

The vet was a husband and wife duo, and the wife came out to talk to me. Asking me questions about her and what she could have gotten into. We wracked our brains around for an answer, but we got nothing. She was by me the whole time, always on her leash and her food hadn’t changed. A new bag, but same brand. We checked it for mold, we looked to see if there was something in the RV she could have eaten and then we thought about every walk I took her on. Nothing.

They said they’d never seen a dog go from being perfectly normal the day before to where she was at. They said it wasn’t looking good.

I asked if I could see her and they let me. She was freezing cold and they had hot water bottles and blankets to keep her warm. I started to pet her and talk to her. She heard me. Her breathing got stronger. I stayed with her until the vets politely kicked me out as they had other surgeries to preform that morning.

We left and played the waiting game. I called back in around two and asked about her and they said she was sitting up and looking around. She still had blood in her stomach and they had a stomach tube in to get it out. They don’t know where all of this was coming from, they said it looked kind of maybe like salmonella but it didn’t quite fit. Every theory was debunked by the fact that she wasn’t even two years old. They suggested that I move her to the animal hospital in Alburquerque, they were more specialized and could perhaps find out what was wrong. I was on my way back to figure out how to move her when she had a seizure. She was gone for two to three minutes this time. But they brought her back, again.

The husband told me brain damage was a likely issue at this point, and I should be prepared. They still don’t know what caused everything.

I went to see her again and I stayed with her for an hour, this time her eyes were open and she was starting to focus but it wasn’t quite right. I stayed, told her how beautiful she was and strong and how she was going to take care of me in LA. I talked to her for hours until it was five and they were closing. She nearly had a seizure while I was there, but they stopped it and stabilized it.

My aunt happened to be working in Albuquerque and came down to help deal with everything. She got us a hotel room, we made it there when we got another phone call. I already knew what it was before Jen told me.

She had had another seizure, she died for the fifth time and she was no longer breathing on her own.

She was brain dead.

My beautiful, smart, healthy, young, loving best friend was gone.

The anger I felt in that moment was more intense and more real than anything I've ever felt in my life. But the moment Jen walked back around to tell me what the phone call had meant, I pulled back the anger. And then it was gone. And all I felt was empty, and helpless.

I preferred the anger.

We went back to the vet and you could see that she was gone. She had started to breathe on her own by the time we arrived, but there wasn’t any saving her. I said goodbye from my family, friends, the people she loved most. And I told her goodbye. I apologized for not being able to save her. I told her it was okay to go. I kissed her and I watched her go.

The husband turned to me with tears in his eyes, he told me he had never brought a dog back this many times. In his 20+ years of being a vet, he had never seen a dog fight so hard.

She came back from the dead five times to be with me. She fought so bravely. She was so incredibly loyal.

Losing her is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. She was the world’s greatest dog, and she will be incredibly missed and never forgotten.

(This story was Nox’s and not mine, so I haven’t mentioned the incredible support system my friends and family, blood and not blood have given me. I wouldn’t have survived this without my best friend, Paul being by my side and certainly not without my Aunt’s help that day. I couldn’t have survived this without my family only a phone call away, even at three in the morning, just to listen to me cry. Thank you to everyone who Nox touched. I’m glad she will live on in all of your hearts.)

Hello!

First of all, this is about The Walking Dead's newest episode, the one that aired November 15th, 2015. It will also contain MINIMUM SPOILERS. I hate spoiling things, so I will not tell any of the main plot and will give warnings before spoilers from this episode are mentioned. However, the biggest one is just about one character who comes in.

Spoiler Alert:

She's diabetic.

As most of you know, I was diagnosed with type one diabetes nearly four years ago. I was in college and normal and then I wasn't. When I was diagnosed, it wasn't the idea of taking five shots a day, always aware of my plans, being prepared for eating and not eating, knowing what I was ordering at restaurants and having to fill in everyone else about my life that got me upset. Honestly, those were all things I could learn to do. The hardest part for me was knowing that had I been born a hundred years ago: I'd be dead.

I would have been dead at twenty. And that was a sucky thought. What was even worse was knowing if the Doctor came and picked me up to go traveling through time and space with him: I probably wouldn't be able to do it. Not easily, at least. Falling Skies: I would have wanted to be harnessed just so I could be lucky enough to be rescued, get it off without killing me and no longer be diabetic. If the world ended: I would have even more chances to die than the rest, and I am a survivor and a fighter. I even had a plan on keeping my blood sugar in range if I was stranded on an island. (Which would have involved intensive running). This was the hardest thing for me to comprehend-- that in all the books I read, shows I watch and movies I love: I would be dead without so much as a fighting chance.

I don't accept it. So, in my own time, I've figured out plans to survive a zombie apocalypse and being stranded on a deserted island, how to survive being thrown into a dystopian universe or even flying around with the Doctor. And not just survive like normal people (shelter, weapons, food every other day and water), but ways to get sugar and insulin and where to store it and how to keep it close incase my pack gets stolen. I've thought of it all, because I refuse to let this life threatening disease be the death of me.

But today, four years after I started to think about these things: I watched an episode where there was a girl who was diabetic. And she had lived. Even thinking back on this episode I want to cry because that was simply: amazing.

A few spoilers on the diabetic girl's backstory:

She was in DC. Her family went up to find her. That was refreshing as I want to travel. Her family still found her and she lived. She was diabetic and she LIVED.

~~Also, she looked even more like Peter Pan than I do which is the biggest compliment ever. GO FORTH PIXIE GIRL AND BE AWESOME.~~

She survived, like everyone else in the world. It was harder for her, but she did it. As a diabetic it was one of the most refreshing things I could see on television. There are no heroes who have chronic illnesses. It's something I would really like to see change in the world. Just because I am diabetic does not mean I can't kick a zombie's ass in the apocalypse.

SPOILERS FROM THIS EPISODE & A CHALLENGE
do not read if you want this character's fate to be ruined.

This is your last chance. Scroll right on back up!

Okay, I warned you.

She died. And I was upset, not because she was diabetic but because she was got startled and fell. Lame way to go. I really, really, REALLY wish that she would have lived to become an epic character. She has every chance to die, like everyone else in the show. But as a diabetic, I would have been amazing to see how she lived a little longer. How she survived day to day in this world, how she forced people to see her for herself and not her disease. I would have loved to see how she pushed forward despite her chronic disease that is NOT brought on by eating too many sweets. I would have absolutely loved to see a strong female character with the same disease that affects me every day.

Thus here is my challenge, to any movie producer, book writer or TV show host:

Make a strong character with a chronic disease. Make them known, make them loved and give them every chance to die as any other character but first--

Let them live.

I'm not really sure where to begin. This blog post doesn't really have a point, just to fill in about my life thus far and the city I'm in. I suppose it'll probably be all over the place. If you don't want to read about my life, just scroll to see the pretty pictures from Dublin. Some are artistic, most are touristy. But my goodness is this place beautiful!

To say I'm having the time of my life is an understatement. A total understatement. I am loving every second of every day. I've been here for about a week and a half and there are so many plans to be made and so many more to be fulfilled. I get along with all of my roommates so well, and they like to travel and see the city. I drag them out, and they do the same. It really couldn't be a better set up.

Last weekend we all went to Galway, and then to the Cliffs of Moher. I'll have a separate post just from that trip. It was beautiful! My favourite place in the world thus far, I'll let you guys know if it changes. Tomorrow we're heading to Cork, weekend after I am going to try and visit family and the weekend after is Sligo with the whole Stint crew. I have another trip planned to go see the Giants Causeway in northern Ireland, a swing dance work shop, a flight to London and one to Prague. That isn't including the tours and day trips around Dublin we have planned nor is it counting my two weeks of Europe travel at the end of my internship.

Basically I'm busy. Which is an honest surprise to no one, except maybe myself. I work from 9-5:30 and I get home around six. I then have an hour or two max to get dressed and eat some food before my roommates and I are exploring the town. We go out nearly every night, which is why I'm currently exhausted and can't wait to spend the evening wasting my time on the internet on the couch and wearing my new favourite Trinity sweater.

I've started swing dancing in Dublin, which I was told wasn't a super big scene, but it's big enough for me. My instructor is great so far, and I managed to jump into their improvers (their word for intermediate) track after missing two lessons and I kept up alright. At the lindy lessons, they only do lindy. They don't mix east coast six count with it, which was odd to me. However at the east coast lesson/social on Wednesday, it was more like I was used too and it was so much fun. The improvers class is first, and we actually had more leads than follows. Beginners was next, my roommates came to try it out so I did the lesson with them. And then began the dancing. I danced with a guy from Paris, someone from Germany, a few from Ireland and probably others from different countries that I didn't ask. I've already started to make connections. Even if they don't remember my name, they noticed my face. One guy was at the lindy lesson and the social, I wasn't able to dance with him but as he was leaving we crossed paths and he promised to get a dance with me next time.

That's something I want to comment on, people here are so nice. They don't care if you're not from around here, they don't care if you run into the street to jay walk; they'll just wave at you. (I don't think I'll ever get used to looking the 'correct' ways here. I nearly get hit by a car daily because I'm looking in the wrong direction) For whatever reason I don't recall that being much of a problem in Tokyo.

I'm now an avid tea drinker. For almost an entire week I went without coffee. I know! I know, madness! But I had about four cups of tea a day. Two days ago, however, I needed my coffee. The coffee here is good, but sugar free syrups are few and far between to find. There are plenty of Starbucks in walking distance in Dublin, unfortunately none are in my direct path to and from work. On Wednesday I was given the task of walking around Dublin and taking photographs for work. It was basically the best day ever. AND the weather was fantastic. It was warm and the sun was out, wait for it: all. day.

So I treated myself a little, slept until the time I would normally show up at work and grabbed my camera and then headed out for a large sugar free latte. It was fantastic. I really missed it, so today I even made some coffee this morning. (Creamer doesn't exist here, so I drank it black). Maybe I'll get used to it? Probs not.

Wednesday is when I took most of the images that will be on this blog. You'll get to see the unreal sky and the beautiful architecture that fills this city. It really is stunning. I absolutely love it here.

I walk everywhere, which is fantastic. I am a straight shot down the canal to get to work. Within the next week I'll have more photos from around the canal area and where I work. The photos on this blog were mostly taken in the south western side of Dublin. The posh and medieval side.

One of my assignments is to get different views of Dublin, rooftop views of Dublin. I actually have permission to climb things for work! Yay! My other assignment is the colours of Dublin. Wednesday I walked around to get those shots, but also had a grand time taking touristy photos. ;D I went to St. Patrick's cathedral which was stunning. It was only 4.5 euro to take a tour so I walked around and got some shots. At the end I went and talked to the people who worked there to see if I could get into the bell tower and take some shots. She was going to let me! But they were currently doing renovations on the stairs, so she gave me a list of different places in Dublin that I could get high up and take some shots. Super, super sweet lady.

I wandered off to Christ's Church cathedral (right down the street, these two cathedrals in the closest proximity to each other than any other cathedrals in the world). I had to take a tour to see the bell towers there, but it didn't start until two and at this point it was one. So I reckoned I'd go off to see the Guiness storehouse (since it has a rooftop bar) and then come back. Turns out I didn't have enough time, so I will be going back to see those bell towers!

I didn't take the tour of Guiness, but I sure as hell will be back to do it. It was fantastic! I walked in and talked to the man in information and he agreed to let me run up to the bar, get a few shots and run back down without having to pay for the tour. I did just that and I could see all of Dublin. It was breathtaking.

I was around the side of town that my internship office was located so I went and said hello. Jeffery and Aoife were there and they helped me figure out Cassandra Clare's book signing times so I can go meet her next month! They also helped me find all the cool book stores around here, so I have a list! I will go this Sunday if not, the following Saturday for sure and see all the awesome books. I'm determined to find Peter Pan in gaelic. Mel came in a bit late but she gave me a list of rooftop bars and places to get cool views around Dublin! I can't wait to go check out all the places on the list.

I ended up hanging out with Natalie on the green space in front of St. Patricks when she got off work, since it was so beautiful out. Katelyn joined us and I had some ice cream. We ran back home with enough time for me to make some food, change for swing and go to the social. Four hours of swing dancing later and a run into lots of drunk tourist around temple bar, I was back home and in bed. (The sun was actually down when I left swing. So that was pretty cool, Dublin is really beautiful at night. That's another photo project of mine.)

Thursday rolled around and work was relaxed. I edited a few photos that I took and figured out where to go next. The weather on Thursday was ten times worse than it was on Wednesday. Not only was it cold, it was rainy. Which isn't a surprise and doesn't deter things, I just missed the laying in the sun bit. Thursdays though, there is a market on the canal near where I'm working. Ger and I went out and got some burgers and sat by the canal and ate for lunch. I've decided I'll bring my lunch every other day of the week, but Thursdays are market days and trying a different stand each week.

I got home, made dinner really fast and got ready to go out to a fashion app launch, we had to be on a list to get in, and we were on that list. Despite feeling very under dressed/out of my element, everyone there was amazing and multiple people came and sat down and spoke to us. We even made connections for future jobs with this company. That was incredibly exciting. Natalie was craving fried chicken when we finally left, so we went off to find some. And oh my gods, was that the best fried chicken I'd ever had. I wasn't even hungry, but I ate so much. It was delicious.

Elizabeth and I went home afterwards, while the other three girls went out to the bars. It's been a pretty great week so far. I suppose that's all in my immediate life, I'll probably have some commentary with the images but stay tuned for the millions of photos I've taken and haven't been able to edit yet.

Cheers!

This image was barely touched. The sky was that blue and the buildings were that orange. It was incredible.

The beautiful St. Patrick's cathedral

The flags were stunning. If you ever go in, look up. It's kind of dark so you may miss them, but they're so beautiful.

Christ's Church Cathedral

The details of these buildings. I mean seriously, look at those doors!

The Liffy, it separates north and south Dublin. There are a number of beautiful bridges that cross, it's lovely.

Guiness storehouse!

The buildings around here were amazing. I love the stone.

View from the rooftop bar.

These were taken yesterday from the balcony from my work.

Ireland can be grey, but it's still so beautiful.

1. You feel all four seasons in a day.

I'm not even joking. One minute it's sunny and warm and you want to lay down and nap, and the next it's absolutely freezing and windy and then one more moment and it's raining. Layers are the key.

2. It's a sleepy city. They like to sleep in.

No body goes into work until nine. The other day we were out and about at seven and the city was deserted. Nobody was out walking or anything. It was like we were in a ghost town. Even when I had to head into work early today and be there at eight, it was a quarter till eight and hardly anyone was around.

3. No tax.

If it's two euro, it's only two euro.

4. The sun stays out until ten.

This just throws off my eating schedule as I think it's only five and it's really nine out and I haven't eaten since noon.

5. Everyone walks very fast.

The pace is relaxed, but faster than I walk. They aren't rushed, they just walk fast.

6. Everyone takes street signals as suggestions.

Turned yellow in the car in front of us? Oh well, keep going. And no one gets mad, everyone does it. Turning red? Nah, I think I'll go anyway. It's the same with walking across the street. The no walking sign is only a suggestion.

7. Street lanes are only a suggestion.

I've found in the few car rides I've been in, the lines in the street mean jack shit. Oh, this line separates us from oncoming traffic? Nah, I think I'll just drive straight down the middle because I can.

8. This city is awesome.

That is self explanatory.

9. Hardly tip.

Or they don't, but it's standard to do ten percent and waiters look at me funny when I go to give them a tip.

10. You have to hail a bus.

If you don't they zoom right on pass. But they're all DOUBLE DECKER WHICH IS THE BOMB.

11. Everyone here is super nice.

Genuinely nice. I love it.

I realize it's been over a year since I've updated this site. I can put out all of the excuses, life gets busy, school takes over and inspiration is limited. All of the above is true, but I have been creative- just not as much with photography or this blog site. I've been illustrating, writing stories, experimenting with digital art, picking up Arwin (my violin) again, designing one project after another and some of the outcomes have been good enough to win awards.
Last summer, before it started I had told myself that I will work on photography and take many photos with amazing concepts and ideas. However that didn't happen, instead I read lots of stories and drew many pictures. And that was okay. I like to do so many things, but sometimes I get burnt out. I believe I've had a creative block with it comes to photography.
But it's coming back. Especially with my plans for this summer. I've ordered a new lens I've had my eyes on for a while and it should come in later this week. James (my camera) will be brought out and I can't wait to document my travels and experiences.
Most of my photographs can be found on my facebook page, but I plan on keeping this blog going. Especially when this summer starts.

Here are a few pieces of my photography since the last time I posted here. (oldest to newest)

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